Those Damn Stupid Kids...

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through to F for each piece:…





First of all, I’ve ridden a lot of bikes in my time, but I’ve never, ever seen one with 874 spokes on it. I hope you never become an engineer.And what’s with the kid on the bike? Yeah, that one with the sword sticking out of his body. Is he riding to the hospital? And where the hell is his other leg? Did it just magically disappear? Maybe it got caught in one of those god-forsaken spokes and was ripped off. GRADE: F










OK Rupert, I’m going to be easy on you, since you’re probably retarded and can’t draw a logical picture to save your life.First of all, what’s with that yellow pee monster attacking that goofy girl? Yeah, you know who I’m talking about. That girl impaled on both sides with daggers. Is she scared of the creature or the fact that the sun appears to be ovulating?And who’s that creepy, tall green-headed man on the right? David Banner? Maybe he’s there to investigate why this girl seems to have a darker moustache than most teenage boys. GRADE: F




It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s a flying tampon with whiskers. What in God’s name is that thing? A ghost?By the way, nice running shoes, Forrest. They look like two severed bird heads which you stepped on while running away from the Kotex Monster.Notice how the sun is smiling away, like all is happy and joyful in the world…. while this kid with 7 fingers on one hand and 4 on the other is running for his life.And what’s with the hair man? Is that a new style, or is your head smoldering from being in such close proximity to the sun? GRADE: F

You spelled America wrong you bastard. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor. GRADE: F












Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren’t supposed to have ears, dipshit. GRADE: F

Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of crap. GRADE: F

That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. GRADE: F

This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her
parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers? GRADE: F