Saturday, October 27, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Did You Know...
To “testify” was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a
statement made by swearing on their testicles.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters
“mt”.
There is a seven letter word in the English language that
contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters,
“therein” the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy.
Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button.It was eliminated
when he was sewn up after surgery.
Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.
Monday, October 22, 2007
The ULTIMATE Driving ///Machine...
Here's the story:
Sunny saturday afternoon, 4 pm, 35 degrees celsius, 2 lane autobahn, medium traffic in both lanes, me going in the left lane. I was travelling easy at about 180 km/h (okay, okay, show me one member here who sticks to the limits), talking with my wife, when suddenly I heard a loud bang from the right side. I lifted my foot off the gas (do not like to drive using Cruise Control) and that's when it all immediately started. The car was thrown out to the left, started spinning anti-clockwise. My wife told me later she saw me trying to countersteer, apparently it was worthless. The car hit the armco and the front airbags were blown. No more vision (grey dust everywhere), temporary deafness (airbags blown), no more steering wheel - and the car still spinning uncontrollably at 140km/h sideways !!! We hit the front and back of the car several times, slided off to the right side, then flipped over 2 times - until the car stopped. All airbags were blown out. One of the photos shows how we stopped and got out.
We did not hit any major obstacle, nor did anyone crash into us during the spinning. The rear left wheel got torn out and you can see the rest.... The crash felt like it lasted forever...
Police and tyre experts later confirmed the accident was caused by a puncture to the rear right tyre. A tiny little hole, that let the air out slowly, then the inside of the rim cut through the tyre, that's when all the pressure was lost suddenly. TPM did not give any warning whatsoever though and the car did not behave in any strange ways beforehand!! Experts said these kind of puncture accidents have a 70% death rate of at least 1 person...
Anyway, I've been thanking God ever since to have survived this crap. I still can't explain to myself what I should have been doing differently.... I did have insurance, they've paid me already, and I sold the wreck. (Almost) Forgot the whole stuff, but did not want to post anything until the police investigation was over.
We did some short consideration with my wife, and decided to get the same car - different color. It is arriving in a couple of weeks...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Those Damn Stupid Kids...
If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through to F for each piece:… 
First of all, I’ve ridden a lot of bikes in my time, but I’ve never, ever seen one with 874 spokes on it. I hope you never become an engineer.And what’s with the kid on the bike? Yeah, that one with the sword sticking out of his body. Is he riding to the hospital? And where the hell is his other leg? Did it just magically disappear? Maybe it got caught in one of those god-forsaken spokes and was ripped off. GRADE: F
OK Rupert, I’m going to be easy on you, since you’re probably retarded and can’t draw a logical picture to save your life.First of all, what’s with that yellow pee monster attacking that goofy girl? Yeah, you know who I’m talking about. That girl impaled on both sides with daggers. Is she scared of the creature or the fact that the sun appears to be ovulating?And who’s that creepy, tall green-headed man on the right? David Banner? Maybe he’s there to investigate why this girl seems to have a darker moustache than most teenage boys. GRADE: F
It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s a flying tampon with whiskers. What in God’s name is that thing? A ghost?By the way, nice running shoes, Forrest. They look like two severed bird heads which you stepped on while running away from the Kotex Monster.Notice how the sun is smiling away, like all is happy and joyful in the world…. while this kid with 7 fingers on one hand and 4 on the other is running for his life.And what’s with the hair man? Is that a new style, or is your head smoldering from being in such close proximity to the sun? GRADE: F
You spelled America wrong you bastard. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor. GRADE: F
Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren’t supposed to have ears, dipshit. GRADE: F
Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of crap. GRADE: F
That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. GRADE: F
This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her
parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers? GRADE: F
"Woofers"...
Size: 20"H x 11.5"W x 17"D (per speaker)
Only $999 here.
The Fancy New Supermarket...
The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you take in the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I do not buy toilet paper there.
