Friday, May 04, 2007
Dr. Phil...
Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother he said, "You are so obsessed with eating you've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third mom: "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on Dick, we're leaving."
Laws Of Life...
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner, even if it is square.
Law of Visual Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee Temperature: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the cost of the carpet.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Signs You Might Be a Blog Addict...
Blogs exist on just about every variety of subject one can imagine. And more and more blogs come online each and every day. But what does it take to really have an active blog that people will come back to again and again to read? It requires creativity. It requires dedication. Even more so, it requires an addiction to the act of blogging itself.
How about you? Are you a blog addict? Here are ten signs that may indicate that you have an addiction:
Bloglines, Google Reader or some other RSS reader is constantly open on your computer's desktop.
You tell managers that you missed a project deadline because "some things" came up but in reality, you were blogging.
You periodically dream that you are blogging.
You get inspiration for new blog posts at the strangest times - in the gym, sitting on the toilet, during marital activities (cough, cough)... you get the picture.
Before blogs, you used to tuck the kids into bed at night. Now you check for unapproved blog comments before heading to bed yourself.
In order for your family to keep up with what's going on in your life, they have to read your blog. Furthermore, if they want to communicate with you, they have to comment on your blog.
You can't remember dates for your anniversary, birthdays, etc., but you know what your Technorati rank is.
You blog about anything and everything including bad meals, your pets, getting your car stuck in snow, conversations you have in the bathroom, etc.
Songs With a Secret...
“Louie Louie” – The Kingsmen: Though the song was originally written by Richard Berry, the Kingsmen’s version was a huge hit and inspired an equally huge controversy when rumors spread the virtually inaudible lyrics were super dirty. The FBI even investigated the potentially un-American nastiness of the song’s message (their theories on what they lyrics say are hysterical) but ultimately it was concluded that the song was not bound to defile an entire generation of young minds.
“Lola” – The Kinks: Thought to be about a beautiful woman, actually inspired by an incident in which Kinks’ manager Robert Wace spent a drunken night dancing with a transvestite he mistook for a woman.
“Please Please Me” – The Beatles: Thought to be a cute little teenage love song, is actually about oral sex.
“Hey Jude” – The Beatles: Some suspect the song is about taking heroin, it was actually written by Paul McCartney for John’s son Julian.
Thought for the Day...
I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you.
If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment.
Don't you think it's worth the extra effort...?
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