Friday, July 13, 2007
Gasoline Consumption...
Not sure how up to date this is (it has a 2003 tag on it), but it’s a very interesting chart.
Bugatti Increases Veyron Production...
Bugatti is increasing the production of their million dollar super car the Bugatti Veyron. Production numbers will increase from the original "60" cars produced in the first year of the Veyron to a total of "75" annually. A spokesperson for Bugatti stated, "We want to shorten the waiting time from just over a year." One has to think, it will still be arduous to acquire one of these vehicles or even see one on the road with just small increase of 15 cars in the production line, but Bugatti in fact wants to keep the car as exclusive as possible.
While the production numbers for the Veyron have increased, there are currently no plans to “change” the performance of the vehicle. With an incredible 1,000 horsepower one has to wonder if this is enough horsepower to keep the Veyron at the top of the super-car food chain in the twentieth century.
Will the Bugatti Veyron’s clientele want more out of their super car as the production continues to its speculated production run of “300”? For a million dollars I think so.
Ferrari Test Mule on Dyno...
Despite constant denials about the existence of a new small Ferrari from officials, images of a prototype being tested on a dyno have emerged. Rumored to be the successor to the original Dino, early reports suggest it will be launched by 2010, and to solve the problem of limited capacity at the Maranello plant, Ferrari will likely outsource production of the car to Maserati.
Camouflaged by the shell of a Maserati Gran Tursimo, the new small Ferrari is expected to share much in common with the car from Modena including a new folding metal roof. The engine, however, will share its design with the 4.7L V8 that will power the Alfa Romeo 8C according to the guys at Autoblog, but power will be boosted to differentiate the two cars.
One major factor against the introduction of a new Dino is the fact that Ferrari isn’t even meeting demand for its high-end models. A distinct attribute of the original Dino was that it was never badged as a Ferrari so, like the original, the new version may also be badged with something other than the Prancing Horse. This would also substantiate the claims from Ferrari’s management that there is no 'Ferrari Dino' in the works.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Well...
As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day.
The deceased was a little old lady who had devoted her entire married life to fussing at her poor husband.
When the graveside service had no more than terminated, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by
a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
I Don't Want To Be A Honey Bee...
The honey bee has exploding testicles.
The reproductive cycle of bees is fascinating - and complex. But here’s the short story: a queen is selectively bred in a special "queen cell" in the hive and fed royal jelly by worker bees to induce her to become sexually mature.
A virgin queen that survives to adulthood without being killed by her rivals will take a mating flight with a dozen or so male drones (out of tens of thousands eligible bachelors in the colony). But don’t call these drones lucky because during mating, their genitals explode and snap off inside the queen!
Strange as it is, this actually makes evolutionary sense: the snapped-off penis acts as a genital plug to prevent other drones from fertilizing the queen. But tell that to the dead drone whose penis just exploded.
Men and Women Don't Always Speak the Same Language...
1. THINGY (thing-ee)
...For the Female: Any part under a car hood.
...For the Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-NE-Ra-bel)
...For the Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
...For the Male: Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-in-Kay-shon)
...For the Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
...For the Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment)
...For the Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
...For the Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment)
...For the Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
...For the Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens)
...For the Female: An Embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
...For the Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv)
...For the Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
...For the Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (RI-moht kon-trohl)
...For the Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
...For the Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Celebrity Prank Calls...
Using recorded voices of famous people to carry on phone conversations. Funny stuff. Some might not be safe for work.
Richard Simmons calls a redneck
Mr. T calls a tow truck company
Arnold Schwarzenegger calls a drunk (NSFW )
Joe Pesci calls a black guy (Definitely NSFW – Very, very bad language)
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Humor for Lexophiles...
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in Fran ce , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead the dough basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Think Before You Speak...
WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - -silence - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."
Conversation Before and After Marriage...
Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
Now for after the marriage conversation you can read it in reverse order.
Rose...
Two old duffers and their wives are visiting.
One old boy asks the other "What was the name of that boat you used to have?"
The octogenarian mulls it over, then responds: "What's the name of that flower, smells good, has pretty petals and thorns on the stems?"
"Rose."
"Yeah. Hey Rose, what's the name of that boat we used to have?"
Bar Talk...
A visiting conventioneer from Kentucky walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.
"Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?"
"Get lost," she remarked, "I am a lesbian."
"Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"
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