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Thursday, April 26, 2007
NOTICE!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
The Ant and the Grasshopper...
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building g his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant' s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote.
Bur Dubai Island...
Forget The Palm: the world's biggest artificial island hasn't even been built yet, but is already home to hundred of thousands of people. Introducing Bur Dubai Island, several crowded inner-city suburbs about to be encircled by the world's largest seawater moat. A glamourous residential prospect indeed.
Half a dozen major roads and myriad smaller roads will be severed by the Dubai Creek extension, not a particularly pleasant prospect for traffic despite promises of bridge building. Safa Park appears safe, going by Gulf News' map, but Jumeirah Beach Park might not be so lucky. The Co-op - so beloved of Emiratis doing their weekly shopping with all the family at 3am on a school night - also seems to be in the clear, despite persistent rumours of its imminent demolition.
The biggest feature of the Creek extension will be Business Bay, which will also hold a Guinness World Record for being the world's least bay-like bay. It is neither a body of water nor even part of the coastline. "Business Moat" would be a more appropriate name. Its aim is to be "similar in nature to Manhattan or Ginza, which are the business centres for cities like New York and Tokyo" and it will also feature "fascinating canals". Fascinating as in what, gondolas towed by giant hammour?
Looming over everything like a huge pointed lighthouse will be the beautiful Deathspire, set to get a Guinness World Record for being the world's tallest tower for the shortest amount of time.
And Dubai it will once again be unrecognisable from how it is today, just as it is currently unrecognisable from five years ago.
Foods Named After People...
Here are a few examples:
Fettuccine Alfredo – Alfredo di Lelio, an early-20th century Italian chef who invented the dish for his wife in 1914–1920 at his Roman restaurant and popularized it among tourists.
Caesar salad – Caesar Cardini (1896–1956) or one of his associates created this salad at the restaurant of the Hotel Caesar in Tijuana.
Cobb Salad – Robert H. Cobb, owner of the Hollywood Brown Derby restaurant, who is said to have invented the salad as a late-night snack for himself in 1936–1937.
Graham crackers, Graham flour – Sylvester Graham, 19th-century American Presbyterian minister and proponent of a puritan lifestyle based on teetotalling, vegetarianism, and whole wheat.
Heath bar – the American "English toffee" bar is named for brothers Bayard and Everett Heath, Illinois confectioners who developed it in the 1920s and eventually turned the local favorite into a nationally popular candy bar.
Kaiser rolls – originally, rolls made by a Viennese baker in about 1487 for Emperor Frederick V, whose profile was stamped on top.
Margarita – there are many claims for the name of this tequila/lime/orange liqueur cocktail. Dallas socialite Margarita Samas said she invented it in 1948 for one of her Acapulco parties. Enrique Bastate Gutierrez claimed he invented it in Tijuana in the 1940s for Rita Hayworth. Hayworth's real name was Margarita Cansino, and another story connects the drink to her during an earlier time when she was dancing in Tijuana nightclubs under that name. Carlos Herrera said he created and named the cocktail in his Tijuana restaurant in 1938–1939 for Marjorie King. Ms. King was reportedly allergic to all alcohol except tequila, and had asked for something besides a straight shot. Around this same general time period, Nevada bartender Red Hinton said he'd named the cocktail after his girlfriend Margarita Mendez. Other stories exist.
Mary Janes – peanut butter and molasses candy bars developed by Charles N. Miller in 1914, and named after his favorite aunt.
Reuben sandwich – possibly Arnold Reuben, a New York restaurateur (1883–1970), created and named it c. 1914, or Reuben Kolakofsky (1874–1960) c. 1925 may have made it for a poker group gathered at his Omaha, Nebraska grocery.
Baby Ruth candy bar – most likely, Babe Ruth (1895–1948) was the inspiration for the name. Although the Curtiss Candy Co. has insisted from the beginning that the candy bar was named after a daughter of Grover Cleveland, Ruth Cleveland died in 1904 at the age of 12, while the Baby Ruth was introduced in 1921 right at a time when George Herman Ruth, Jr. had become a baseball superstar. It is interesting to note that very early versions of the wrapper offer a baseball glove for 79 cents. Babe Ruth's announced intent to sue the company is probably what drove and perpetuated the dubious cover story.
Salisbury steak – Dr. James H. Salisbury (1823–1905), early U.S. health food advocate, created this dish and advised his patients to eat it three times a day, while limiting their intake of "poisonous" vegetables and starches.
Sandwich – John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich (1718–1792) did not invent the sandwich. Meat between slices of bread had been eaten long before him. But as the often-repeated story goes, his title name was applied to it c. 1762, after he frequently called for the easily-handled food while entertaining friends. Their card games then were not interrupted by the need for forks and such.
Tootsie Rolls – Clara "Tootsie" Hirshfield, the small daughter of Leo Hirshfield, developer of the first paper-wrapped penny candy, in New York, 1896.
Real Teachers...
Real teachers will eat anything left in the teachers' lounge.
Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and at the end of nine weeks. Grading in church is permissible.
Real teachers know that sixth graders get hormones from Santa at Christmas.
Real teachers cheer when they learn that April 1 does not fall on a school day.
Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
Real teachers are written up in medical journals for the size and elasticity of their bladders.
Real teachers have been timed gulping down lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.
Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will appear at an open house.
Real teachers understand the importance of making sure every kid gets a valentine.
And By The Way...
We've got another match lined up for this afternoon... SORRY NO CAMERA TODAY!
We conceded a rugby-like score the last time so today's the REVENGE match!
After that it's off to the Jebel Ali Club where we will witness the South African's massacre the Aussies...
............. and then it's Liverpool vs Chelsea!
We conceded a rugby-like score the last time so today's the REVENGE match!
After that it's off to the Jebel Ali Club where we will witness the South African's massacre the Aussies...
............. and then it's Liverpool vs Chelsea!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
An Elderly Pair...
An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off; they share each other's values, enjoy the same jokes, and find pleasure in each other's company.
After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a little.
"Perhaps I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but... How's your health?"
"It's OK", he answers. "I'm not getting any younger, but I don't have any major health problems. I can still enjoy life."
"Well, then," she replies. "I don't want to be a snoop, but I've got to protect myself, how are you fixed financially?"
"So-so. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable. You don't have to worry about me sponging off you; I can support myself."
The little old lady blushes, and finally asks her swain, "And how's your sex life?"
"Infrequently." he declares.
The widow ponders this for a moment or so, before asking, "And is that one word or two?"
SA Rope in Spectator to Bowl...
Gros Islet, St Lucia - A spectator at the cricket World Cup tournament here has been roped in to help the South African batsmen prepare to face Brad Hogg's left-arm spin bowling in the semi-final against Australia on Wednesday.
Gulam Bodi, who lives in Azaadville plays provincial cricket for the Titans but is seldom used as a bowler, joined his countrymen in the nets in Barbados on Saturday.
The idea was to give the batsmen some practice against a left-arm spinner before they meet Hogg in the Beausejour Stadium this week.
Bodi is in the West Indies as a spectator at the World Cup tournament.
Because so few South Africans bowl the type of leg spin expected from Hogg, the Titans player was enlisted and even given a team practice shirt to wear.
Bodi said later he intended to talk to the Titans officials because he felt he should be given more opportunities to bowl.
Played for SA Under-19
"I believe I can play a role as spinner. It is frustrating to know you can do something but never get the chance."
Bodi, then considered mainly as a spinner, kept England's star batsman, Kevin Pietersen, out of the Natal team some years ago, leading to Pietersen's decision to move abroad.
Bodi also represented the SA Under-19 team as a spinner, but has been concentrating only on his role as batsman for the past few years.
"If the Titans use me as a spinner, there will be room for another batsman or a seamer in the team," he said on Monday.
Hogg is expected to be a major threat to the Proteas, particularly on a spinner-friendly wicket.
Gulam Bodi, who lives in Azaadville plays provincial cricket for the Titans but is seldom used as a bowler, joined his countrymen in the nets in Barbados on Saturday.
The idea was to give the batsmen some practice against a left-arm spinner before they meet Hogg in the Beausejour Stadium this week.
Bodi is in the West Indies as a spectator at the World Cup tournament.
Because so few South Africans bowl the type of leg spin expected from Hogg, the Titans player was enlisted and even given a team practice shirt to wear.
Bodi said later he intended to talk to the Titans officials because he felt he should be given more opportunities to bowl.
Played for SA Under-19
"I believe I can play a role as spinner. It is frustrating to know you can do something but never get the chance."
Bodi, then considered mainly as a spinner, kept England's star batsman, Kevin Pietersen, out of the Natal team some years ago, leading to Pietersen's decision to move abroad.
Bodi also represented the SA Under-19 team as a spinner, but has been concentrating only on his role as batsman for the past few years.
"If the Titans use me as a spinner, there will be room for another batsman or a seamer in the team," he said on Monday.
Hogg is expected to be a major threat to the Proteas, particularly on a spinner-friendly wicket.
Brazillian TV... Yes BRAZILLIAN!
Whatever you do, don't try to forward or rewind this video!
The only working buttons are PAUSE and PLAY!
What a way to start off the day............
Monday, April 23, 2007
Your Odds of Dying...
1 in 88,000 of being killed in a terrorist attack.
1 in 55 million of dying in a firey plane crash.
1 in 55,928 chance of death by getting stuck by lightning.
1 in 20,605 in your clothes igniting.
1 in 10,455 of dying in your bathtub.
1 in 10,010 by falling from a ladder or scaffolding.
1 in 9,396 due to excessive heat.1 in 8,389 due to excessive cold.
1 in 7,972 in a drowning accident.
1 in 6,842 in a railway accident.
Our men and women in uniform stand a 1 in 207,261 chance of dying in operations of war.
The Official Etiquette Test...
This urinal configuration is in a sample men’s room. A red stick man standing at the urinal indicates that that position is occupied. You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you are to stand. Good Luck!
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