Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Dress code for 50+...
Many of us over 50, WAY over 50, or on the way to 50 are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We’re unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions.
Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo’s and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist
11. Bikinis and liver spots
12. Short shorts and varicose veins
13. Inline skates and a walker
And the ultimate ‘Bad Taste’ in fashion ! for the ‘Older folks’…………………
14. Thongs and Depends
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
Top 10 Things Kids Stick Up Their Noses...
1. Crayons
2. Beads
3. French fries
4. Fingers
5. Marbles
6. Spaghetti
7. Tissue
8. Cheerios
9. Small toys
10. Beans and peas
New Bra Invention...
At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Don't Feel Bad for Ronaldo...
After Portugal was knocked out of Euro 2008 by the Germans I was a little surprised by Cristiano Ronaldo’s reaction, he normally cries like a fat chick at the prom, but for some reason he kept it together this time. Now I know why. The sooner he was done the tournament the sooner he could get to the beach with his hot Spanish model girlfriend Nereida Gallardo.
One of the World's Last Uncontacted Tribes...
- Amazon Indians from one of the world's last uncontacted tribes have been photographed from the air, with striking images released on Thursday showing them painted bright red and brandishing bows and arrows.
- The photographs of the tribe near the border between Brazil and Peru are rare evidence that such groups exist. A Brazilian official involved in the expedition said many of them are in increasing danger from illegal logging.
- "What is happening in this region is a monumental crime against the natural world, the tribes, the fauna and is further testimony to the complete irrationality with which we, the 'civilized' ones, treat the world," Jose Carlos Meirelles was quoted as saying in a statement by the Survival International group.
- One of the pictures, which can be seen on Survival International's Web site (http://www.survival-international.org), shows two Indian men covered in bright red pigment poised to fire arrows at the aircraft while another Indian looks on.
- Another photo shows about 15 Indians near thatched huts, some of them also preparing to fire arrows at the aircraft.
- "The world needs to wake up to this, and ensure that their territory is protected in accordance with international law. Otherwise, they will soon be made extinct," said Stephen Corry, the director of Survival International, which supports tribal people around the world.
- Of more than 100 uncontacted tribes worldwide, more than half live in either Brazil or Peru, Survival International says. It says all are in grave danger of being forced off their land, killed and ravaged by new diseases.
Ponderisms...
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all..
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who
wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
13. Think about this . No one ever says “It’s only a game” when his team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket..
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of OLD LADIES running around
with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
Thought for the Day...
Always be yourself.
Because the people that matter, don’t mind.
And the ones that mind, don’t matter.
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