Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, "Name seven advantages of Mothers Milk", worth 70 points or none at all. One student, who had also partied the night before, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote...
1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...
7.) It comes in such cute containers.
He got an A
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Biology Exam...
Thoughts for the Day...
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Lifestyle Change...
When Thompson hit 70, he decided to change his lifestyle completely so he could live longer. He went on a strict diet, he jogged, he swam and he took sunbaths.
In just three months' time, Thompson lost 30 pounds and reduced his waist by six inches. Svelte and tan, he decided to top it off with a new haircut. Stepping out of the barbershop, he was hit by a bus.
As he lay dying, he cried out, "God, how could you do this to me?" [ba-ba boom]
And a voice from the heavens responded: "To tell you the truth, Thompson, I didn't recognize you."
What Happens To People When They Get Old....
… according to preschoolers:
You get gray hair if you don't stay for a long time. If you eat too much medicine, you will die.
They have wrinkles. Sometimes they have gray hair but not always.
My grandfather has white hair and scribble scrabble on his hands.
You go in a wheelchair. Your body is a little twisty.
You get older, your shrink and your body is scribbly.
You don't die but your body dies.
You go to Heaven. All the kitties are up in heaven.
They get smushy skin.
When they are old, I saw they couldn't walk. They color their hair purple and all different colors.
Sometimes your hair gets white.
Their skin has bumps and they have a beard. A lady has brown hair/ They have a old man voice and old lady voice.
First they start smooth and when they are going to die they get pruney. They are old.
First they grow up as a young kid. They eat healthy and they get taller. And soon they get much taller and they go to heaven. If they can't walk, they get a wheelchair.
They have gray hair and wrinkles and they die.
They have scrabble scrabble just on her face. And she's got shiny teeth.
When you get very old, first the dots are purple then they get bigger and black.
Heaven is a place where all animals go. People's heaven is under ground.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Pregnancy Q & A...
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
New Audi "I wanna be a M3" RS5...
The UK's Car Magazine has updated an older article with some nice renderings of the Audi RS5 based on S5 press photos. Referencing recent spy photos, the artists shows us a clear view of the front and rear bumper fascia along with enlarged wheels and clever use of shadowing to give an appearance of significantly flaired wheel arches.
Car Magazine reports the RS5 will receive the 4.2 liter V8 currently in the RS4 with the addition of two small turbochargers for an additional 30hp to 450hp total and 500 ft/lbs of torque across the rev range. With quattro all-wheel-drive system showing more rear end torque split bias, the RS5 will give more neutral handling for a targeted 55:45 front to rear weight distribution. Chassis gets ceramic brake discs from the R8 and magnetic flowed struts from the TT. The RS5 is expected to make its public debut at Frankfurt this September with market launch in early 2008 for £53,000 which is £2300 more than the BMW M3.
Car Magazine reports the RS5 will receive the 4.2 liter V8 currently in the RS4 with the addition of two small turbochargers for an additional 30hp to 450hp total and 500 ft/lbs of torque across the rev range. With quattro all-wheel-drive system showing more rear end torque split bias, the RS5 will give more neutral handling for a targeted 55:45 front to rear weight distribution. Chassis gets ceramic brake discs from the R8 and magnetic flowed struts from the TT. The RS5 is expected to make its public debut at Frankfurt this September with market launch in early 2008 for £53,000 which is £2300 more than the BMW M3.
What a freakin joke!!!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
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