Friday, January 18, 2008
Pam Anderson And Elizabeth Hurley...
Double Cleavage Extravaganza - It just puts a smile on your face...
English...
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Let's face it, English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly,
Boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends,
But not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught,
Why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
Where did this strange language come from and why do we speak it?
'Cause we don't know another, I guess...
Hypnosis...
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that's wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later, jumps into bed, and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Wow! That was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I'll be right back." He returns to the bathroom and then goes back to the bedroom, and round two is even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back into the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing in front of the mirror, saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife."
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Official - The New BMW M3 Convertible...
The BMW M3 model family is being upgraded by yet another fascinating player: The new BMW M3 Convertible, the third body version of BMW's high-performance sports car following the Coupé and Saloon, offers new possibilities to experience uncompromising driving dynamics.
Third body version of the new BMW M3; high-performance convertible from BMW M GmbH unique in its design and technical features; developed on the basis of the BMW 3 Series Convertible; consistent orientation to the high-performance character typical of BMW M, as with the BMW M3 Coupé and the BMW M3 Saloon. Car concept with a consistent, unique tradition: Fourth generation of both the BMW M3 Convertible and the BMW M3 Coupé. 
Unique combination of outstanding driving dynamics with aesthetic looks, unparalleled experience of open-air motoring and superior everyday driving qualities in that special combination specific to BMW M. Electrohydraulically operated retractable hardtop ensuring supreme performance in the BMW M3 Convertible with nothing but the sky above. 
Authentic BMW M design as the expression of superior drive power; aluminium engine lid with striking powerdome; characteristic front end with large air intakes; powerfully flared wheel arches; specific BMW M interpretation of the classic lines of a BMW Convertible with its dynamically stretched silhouette, low waistline and muscular, low-slung rear end; gill elements in the front side walls; M-specific side sills contoured even more specifically towards the rear of the car as a visual tribute to rear-wheel drive; rear air dam with diffuser optimising the flow of air beneath the car; dual tailpipes typical of BMW M. 
Exclusive driving experience: The unique power and performance of a BMW M3 combined with an incomparably intense experience of the sun and wind unique to a BMW Convertible. 
The BMW M3 Convertible is powered by BMW M's brand-new V8 displacing 4.0 litres and developing maximum output of 309 kW/420 hp; maximum torque is 400 Nm/295 lb-ft at 3,900 rpm; maximum engine speed 8,400 rpm, optimum muscle and thrust throughout the entire range of engine speed. Individual throttle butterflies, variable double-VANOS camshaft control, Brake Energy Regeneration; engine 15 kg lighter than the six-cylinder power unit on the former model.
Overview
- Third body version of the new BMW M3; high-performance convertible from BMW M GmbH unique in its design and technical features; developed on the basis of the BMW 3 Series Convertible; consistent orientation to the high-performance character typical of BMW M, as with the BMW M3 Coupé and the BMW M3 Saloon. Car concept with a consistent, unique tradition: Fourth generation of both the BMW M3 Convertible and the BMW M3 Coupé.
- Unique combination of outstanding driving dynamics with aesthetic looks, unparalleled experience of open-air motoring and superior everyday driving qualities in that special combination specific to BMW M. Electrohydraulically operated retractable hardtop ensuring supreme performance in the BMW M3 Convertible with nothing but the sky above.
- Authentic BMW M design as the expression of superior drive power; aluminium engine lid with striking powerdome; characteristic front end with large air intakes; powerfully flared wheel arches; specific BMW M interpretation of the classic lines of a BMW Convertible with its dynamically stretched silhouette, low waistline and muscular, low-slung rear end; gill elements in the front side walls; M-specific side sills contoured even more specifically towards the rear of the car as a visual tribute to rear-wheel drive; rear air dam with diffuser optimising the flow of air beneath the car; dual tailpipes typical of BMW M.
- Exclusive driving experience: The unique power and performance of a BMW M3 combined with an incomparably intense experience of the sun and wind unique to a BMW Convertible.
- The BMW M3 Convertible is powered by BMW M’s brand-new V8 displacing 4.0 litres and developing maximum output of 309 kW/420 hp; maximum torque is 400 Nm/295 lb-ft at 3,900 rpm; maximum engine speed 8,400 rpm, optimum muscle and thrust throughout the entire range of engine speed.
- Individual throttle butterflies, variable double-VANOS camshaft control, Brake Energy Regeneration; engine 15 kg lighter than the six-cylinder power unit on the former model. Acceleration to 100 km/h in 5.3 seconds, top speed 250 km/h (155 mph) (limited electronically), average fuel consumption in the EU test cycle 12,9 litres/100 kilometres (equal to 21 mpg imp).
- Manual six-speed gearbox with integrated, temperature-controlled oil cooling; two-plate clutch optimised for mass inertia.
- MDrive for setting and retrieving the driver’s favourite engine control map, suspension and DSC set-up and Servotronic control map as an additional option.
- Brand-new suspension with specific, convertible-based reinforcements in typical M configuration, weight-optimised components and M-specific axle kinematics for a highly dynamic driving experience; forged aluminium track control arms; compound high-performance brake system.
- Optional EDC Electronic Damper Control with three selectable control maps; adaptive damper set-up responding to changes on the road surface and in the driver’s style of motoring; EDC allowing appropriate adjustment to extremely dynamic driving conditions at any time, irrespective of the mode chosen.
- Retractable hardtop in lightweight steel structure; three-piece roof structure with fully automatic opening and closing function; remote control of roof opening function featured as standard; opening time 22 seconds; optimum all-round visibility with hardtop closed thanks to large window areas.
- Body structure with extremely high standard of torsional stiffness; all-round occupant protection by frontal and head/thorax airbags, three-point inertia-reel seat belts on all seats, belt latch tensioners, belt force limiters and central safety electronics for appropriate control of restraint systems including rollover protection with roll bars moving up automatically behind the rear seats; bi-xenon dual headlights featured as standard, Adaptive Headlights as an option.
- Upgraded, high-class interior with a wide range of customisation options; innovative colour and materials concept; two rear seats with single seat contours; BMW Individual High End audio system with nine-channel amplifier and 16 high-output loudspeakers available as an option; M-specific paintwork and equipment variants.
The Man with the Alligator...
A man walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. "Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up.......... "I'll try it – just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"
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