Torque of the Devil...

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2009 BMW 7 Series...

The latest prototype of the next redesigned BMW 7-Series has been spotted on the streets of Munich and our favorite artist Christian Schulte has produced these latest renderings to give us a better idea of what we can see next year. As you can see from these latest photo renderings, the next BMW 7-Series will have a new grille with a large BMW-style kidney (taking hints from the CS Concept) and a wider and lower hood for a sportier look. The sedan appears to be a little bigger than the current generation.



Sources say that the next-generation BMW 7-Series will have an even more elegant look than ever before. The interior of the 2009 BMW 7-Series will also see major upgrades. Rumors are floating of a new iDrive system with a more user friendly navigation system incorporating Google Maps and iPhone connectivity. The gear lever will return to the center instead of sitting next to the indicators. Engine specifications will start from a 3.0 liter engine producing up to 272 horsepower and a new S65 V8 engine producing 414 horsepower. A revamped version of the 6.0 liter V12 engine is also expected. The car will make its official debut in 2008 as a 2009 model year.

Merry Christmas...

Wacko Jacko's Face Shuts Down...

Old Skool...

An Early Xmas Present...

I Hate You Ray-J...

I Met This Beautiful Girl Lastnight...

I met this beautiful girllast night.
She invited me back to her place
and we had the greatest
steamiest sex ever.

Actually,
it wasn’t really the greatest sex ever,
it was more like medium-great sex,
and well, she didn’t exactly
invite me back to her place,
I sort of followed her home
to her apartment.

To be factual,
we didn’t actually have sex per se,
but we came very close.
You see we were fondling
each other pretty intensely.

Well, actually,
I was fondling her,
she wasn’t fondling me…
well, really,
I wasn’t actually fondling her,
our bodies just got very close together.
To be honest,
I just sort of brushed into her.

Accidentally.
But it was great,
really hot and sensual you know?

Actually, to be specific,
it wasn’t really her that I brushed into,
it was actually the back of the chair
she was sitting in.

Although, the chair was…
on the other side of a wall you see…
in another room sort of.
And I was sort of leaning on the wall,
but the chair was very close to the wall,
very close.

Of course, she was on
the third floor and I was sort of…
on the street…
leaning against the building.

But wow!
What a night.

It's A Draw...

Close Call...

You Might Be A Taliban If....

...You refine heroin for a living but have a moral objection to beer.

...You own a $300 assault rifle and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

...You have more wives than teeth.

...You think vests only come in two styles: Bullet-Proof and Suicide.

...You've used a Stinger missile given to you by George Bush, Sr. to shoot at a helicopter sent by George Bush, Jr.

...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry live ammunition in your robe.

...You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

...You've ever said, "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" and you don't even smoke.

The Value Of A Drink...

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think
you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Ain't It The Truth...

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG ). He put on a dress shirt ( MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans ( MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA ).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator ( MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car ( MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia ), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine ( MADE IN FRANCE.! France !! ) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in . AMERICA ....

Don't Die Here...

Surprise...

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed...

* Schizophrenia--- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* Multiple Personality Disorder--- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* Dementia---I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* Narcissistic---Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* Manic---Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

* Paranoid--- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* Borderline Personality Disorder--- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* Personality Disorder---You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* Attention Deficit Disorder--- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,

Now That's A Headline...