World Cup Awards!

Advertisers of the World Cup: Asda. Having originally signed up Wayne Rooney to be the face of their World Cup advertisement blitz, they then swapped to Michael Owen in late April after deciding that Rooney wouldn't recover from his broken foot in time - only for Rooney to return ahead of schedule and Owen to be crocked against Sweden following two miserable performances.

Defining Image of the World Cup: Zinedine Zidane's shockingly-violent head-butt (although, naturally, the technique was exemplary). After watching the forlorn France captain walk past the World Cup trophy, you just knew Italy would win on penalties. What a way to end a career.

Runner-Up: Cristiano Ronaldo's wink. Whatever its meaning, it perfectly captured the essence of a sneaky, cynical and mean-spirited tournament.

Finale of the World Cup: Italy's last-gasp victory over Germany. After 118 minutes of goalless action, the Azzuri produced two brilliantly-constructed goals in as many minutes to throw the hosts out of their own party.

Flop of the World Cup: Frank Lampard. 25 reasons why he should not be regarded as the second-best player in the world are now available.

Runner-Up: Ronaldinho. Did he produce anything worthy of note?

Goal of the Tournament: Argentina's 24-pass, nine-man navigation through the remnants of the Serbian defence.

Runner-Up: Fabio Grosso's 118th-minute strike against Germany. An unsaveable curler into the far corner that was still overshadowed by the simple brilliance of Andrea Pirlo's beautifully-weighted reverse pass.

Man-Marker of the World Cup: Roberto Carlos. Last spotted on the edge of the 18-yard box along with half-a-dozen Brazilian colleagues while Thierry Henry rifled in France's winner from close range.

Runner-Up: Sven-Goran Eriksson. Once linked with Real Madrid, ManYoo and Chelski, it is a measure of how rapidly his stock has collapsed in the past years that Sven is now linked with Aston Villa, Jamaica and 'a Champions League team'.

Stupidest Player of the World Cup: Alexander Frei. Booked for a handball against France that denied Swiss team-mate Djourou a clear header in front of an open goal from approximately one yard in the 92nd minute. How different France's World Cup might have been but for Frei's ridiculous stupidity.

Runner-Up: Zinédine Zidane. And how different the World Cup final may have been if Zidane didn't sully his career with that headbutt.

Team of the World Cup: Buffon (Italy); Roberto Ayala (Argentina), Rafael Marquez (Mexico), Fabio Cannavaro (Italy), Philip Lahm (Germany); Esteban Cambiasso (Argentina), Patrick Vieira (France), Zinedine Zidane (France), Arjen Robben (Holland); Miroslav Klose (Germany), Fernando Torres (Spain).

Unnecessary Job of the World Cup: The fifth official. Permanently on stand-by to lift the scoreboard in the unlikely event of the fourth official suffering muscle cramps in both his arms.

Villain of the World Cup: Winking winger Cristiano Ronaldo. His theatrics = whether the perennial diving, his preaching to the referee or that infamous wink itself - were the embodiment of all that was wrong and sly with a tournamental all-too regularly besmirched by ugliness.