You Can Choose Your Friends...

...But you can't choose your family. And that's why the following siblings of footballers have caused their famous relatives no end of embarrassment. We look at the bad brothers (and a sister).


Wayne 'Gary's Brother' Lineker

Fifteen years ago, implausible as it seems now, Gary Lineker was England's captain and star striker and his brother was famous for owning the most popular bar in Tenerife.

Wayne (nope, we can't imagine Gary having a brother called Wayne either) Lineker had flogged his Leicester market stall in 1988, and opened the very first Lineker's Bar.

It went well - these days Wayne is a millionaire. Of course, that's partly due to the cash smuggling that means that these days he's living not in his 2million Essex mansion, but at Her Majesty's Pleasure.

To boost his beer-selling income, Wayne hit upon the rather cheeky idea of smuggling 'bundles of pesetas and escudos' back to the UK in the luggage of unsuspecting family and friends, before laundering it into sterling at bureaux de change.

Wonderfully, Wayne was once considered a better footballing prospect than Gary - former England captain and scorer of more goals for the country than anyone except Bobby Charlton.


Kirsha 'Kieron's Sister' Dyer

Well, the first footballers' sibling embarrassment of 2007 didn't take long. This week a court in East Anglia heard that Kirsha Dyer had '£1,000-worth of heroin in her knickers and £150 stuffed in her bra' as she admitted possession with intent to supply the drug.

The 18-year-old was arrested along with her 19-year-old unemployed boyfriend (this is a classy story, isn't it?) Ricky Fearon after being pulled over by police in Ipswich.

In true gentlemanly style, Fearon denied the charge, and insists that it's all the work of Kieron's little sister. His lawyer has offered the argument that his client couldn't possibly afford to buy the drugs whilst unemployed - and says Kirsha had bought them after receiving 'money and expensive gifts' from Newcastle's Treatment Room's finest midfielder, including the car she was driving when arrested.
Given that Kirsha is a trainee hairdresser, we're guessing she also doesn't have piles of money from work lying around to be blown on Class A drugs either - and she claimed in court that she'd only stuffed the package down her pants when ordered to by her scary boyfriend. "It wasn't my drugs and it wasn't my money," she said, sounding just like a footballer. "I worshipped the ground he walked on but was terrified of him."

And faster than a second-rate midfielder can injure himself running into a training post, the jury laughed off Fearon's plea of innocence.

The pair will be sentenced on February 12, with the judge commenting: "A prison sentence seems inevitable."


Michael 'Joey's Brother' Barton

Don't worry, we're not going to be telling jokes about this one. Kieron Dyer's sister getting banged up for selling smack is funny; murder isn't. But we could hardly write this feature without mentioning it.

Condemning Joey to "Where's your brother gone?" (and far less pleasant/more funny) chants from
football fans up and down the country, Michael Barton was found guilty of the racist murder of 18-year-old Anthony Walker in July 2005.

Barton did not actually kill Walker, but was found guilty on the grounds that he had both supplied the weapon and 'started the confrontation' - meaning, of course, started yelling racist abuse at a young man walking down the street with his girlfriend and his cousin.

But before the court case came the manhunt, which involved Joey Barton making a televised appeal for his brother to come forward, saying "My sincere condolences go out to Anthony's family. My side of the Barton family are sickened by his death."


Rhodri 'Ryan's Brother' Giggs

It seems harsh to include Rhodri Giggs when the first thing that came up when googling his name was the news that 'Rhodri Giggs, 26, was sitting in his Porsche 911 Carrera outside a takeaway when four men wearing balaclavas attacked him'.

But then a bit more research brought us to the stories that we were actually looking for - how Rhodri used a hammer to smash his ex-girlfriend's windows, how he was put on probation for causing criminal damage to another house, how he allegedly punched and kicked a girl to the ground after a row at his 'pool party.'

But the time that Giggsy's little brother served nine months inside for bottling a man outside a Manchester club raised the biggest chuckle in F365 Towers, mainly because of the report:
'Giggs admitted he was involved in the incident but claimed he acted in self-defence and did not realise he was holding a bottle.'

It's easy to forget, eh?


Paul 'Jamie's Brother' Carragher

We've dealt with cash smuggling, drug dealing, violent assault and murder, so it seems like the right thing to do to end this on a positive note. Positive unless you're John Terry, that is.

A miserable England performance in the World Cup ruined many Junes in Blighty, but the spirit of summer was saved when the press picked up on the rumour that Paul Carragher had become rather, erm, friendly with John Terry's mum.

Having paid a visit to his brother at the England traning camp, Paul allegedly got very drunk, and allegedly proved more effective in penetration than the entire England team allegedly did in the competition.