Austria's Five-Star Prison...

If you look at the figures comparing crime in Austria and crime in the U.S. you’ll notice something odd: although the U.S. has higher crime rates in virtually every category (murder, forcible rape, robbery, aggravated assault, etc…) the Austrians triumph in one category: burglary.

But why? Why is the rate of burglaries in Austria a whopping 40% higher than in the U.S.? I’ll tell you why: because Austrian minimum security prisons are fucking awesome! If you’re in Austria, and have a working brain, you should be trying to get into one right now!

And the prisoners all shout upon leaving: I'll be back!