Things a Man Should Never Do After the Age of 30...

1. Use the word party as a verb.

2. Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil.

3. Crash on a friend's floor or couch.

4. Refer to breasts as "chesticles."

5. Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts.

6. Use the word dawg in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse, yourself.

7. Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50.

8. Fall asleep in public.

9. Pick a fistfight by thrusting out your neck, flexing, and screaming, "It's go time!"