Universal Truths...

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

5) You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

7) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

8) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

9) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

10) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

11) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.

12) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

13) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

14) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.