Irish Medical Dictionary...

Anorexia: Polish Film Star

Artery: The Study of Paintings

Bacteria: Rear entrance to Cafeteria

Caesarean Section: Neighbourhood in Rome

Cauterize: Make eye contact with her

CATSCAN: Search for Kitty

Coma: Punctuation Mark

D&C: Where the U.S. Capitol is

Dilate: To live longer

Enema Not a friend

Fester: Quicker

Fibula: A small lie

Genital: Not a Jew

Hang Nail: Coat hook

Impotent: Distinguished - well known

Labour pain: Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff: Doctor's Cane

Morbid: A higher offer

NIT Rates: Cheaper than day rates

Outpatient: A patient who has fainted

Pap Smear: Paternity test

Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis

Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery

Rectum: The end

Secretion: Hiding something

Seizure: Roman Emperor

Tablet: A small table

Terminal illness: Getting sick at the Airport

Tumour: More than one

Urine: Opposite of 'you're out'

Varicose: Nearby

Vein: Conceited